Aka I get honest about my writing
So… Day 1 did not go exactly as planned.
I was up at 11:30pm on 31 October as planned. Started writing at midnight as planned… and realised my opening scene did not work at all. No, it wasn’t my inner editor being picky… it just sucked because I used the wrong POV. I tried finishing the whole scene, but it still sucked. So I went to bed at about 2, hoping that things would look better in the morning…
Surprise, it didn’t. It looked worse. I hated every word. I wanted to tear it up. If I didn’t need it for my word count I would have deleted it then and there. Honestly, I wanted to cry. All the preparation, all the excitement gone with the opening scene. I had written about 3000 words, but they just seemed wrong somehow.
Lucky for me the JoziWrimos have my back and talked me back into pushing through the hating-every-word-and-hating-myself moment to skipping a few scenes ahead and ‘starting over’. It really helped and I feel like I’m on my way again. It also nearly had me ugly crying happy tears in the office. Which would have been awkward.
I was up early this morning and the writing flowed a bit, which was awesome. I also don’t feel like chucking out the whole outline and starting from scratch. I know that makes me sound like the biggest drama queen in history. But hey, if you saw that first scene you’d understand.
Jumping in at the deep end when you can’t swim
I can’t swim, so just that sentence fills me with dread. But perhaps this is more a matter of I have too much self-doubt (Can I even write?!)* and have no idea whether or not I can pull off the sprawling story I have brewing in my head (The Ruon Chronicles). But, I guess if I don’t try I won’t know. And the really silly thing about it all is that all the feedback I’ve received about the Chronicles has been very positive. So, I guess along with the writing, I should work on that nagging self-doubt as well…
And now, onwards with NaNoWriMo and Charms of Life and Death.
*This after I won second place in the story of the year division (with INK, an Afrikaans writing platform) with a Ruon Chronicles story.